What Do I Need Right Now?

Coping With Stress and Overwhelm in Transitions

In times of distress, I often hear clients turn inward with self-criticism:“What’s wrong with me? Why am I struggling to adjust? I should be handling this better.”

I know this voice well because it has been my own. For many years, being called “needy” would have felt like an insult. To me it meant weakness, failure, or not being strong enough. I had learned to be self-reliant, to push through, to deny my needs as a way of coping with adversity.

That is why Mara Glatzel’s book Needy felt so significant when I first encountered it. What once sounded like a judgment became an invitation. The very word that once carried shame became a doorway into self-acceptance. Her work reframed “needy” not as a flaw but as a profound truth of being human, that our needs are valid, sacred, and worthy of care.

What I have discovered in my own life, and in the lives of countless clients, is that when we abandon the question “What’s wrong with me?” and instead ask “What do I need right now?” we soften the shame that keeps us stuck. We open space for care.

Meeting Emotional Needs During Change

Transitions are demanding. Even positive shifts such as starting a new job, moving homes, preparing for motherhood, or engaging in therapy and EMDR can stir anxiety, nervous system activation, and emotional overwhelm. Our brains work overtime to learn new routines, while our hearts wrestle with letting go of what we know.

In these seasons, needs are not signs of weakness but signals for how to steady ourselves. Sometimes what we need is as basic as food, sleep, or rest. Other times it is the comfort of connection, the safety of structure, or the relief of beauty and play. Naming and tending to needs is an essential part of trauma healing and a compassionate way to manage stress.

Categories of Human Needs

When you feel stuck or overwhelmed, it can help to scan across different domains of need and notice which one is calling for your attention:

• Well-being: rest, sleep, nourishment, safety, comfort, stability, vitality

• Connection: love, belonging, trust, intimacy, empathy, being seen and heard

• Self-expression: authenticity, freedom, creativity, joy, spontaneity, honesty, adventure

• Meaning and contribution: purpose, growth, learning, participation, mastery, self-actualization

Sometimes what we need is tangible, like sleep or food. Sometimes it is relational, like being heard. Other times it is existential, like remembering our sense of purpose. All of these needs are human, valid, and worth honoring.

How to Manage Stress in Transitions: Attune and Respond

One practice I return to again and again, both in my own healing journey and with clients, is attune and respond.

• To attune means to listen inward and notice what is happening in your body and emotions.

• To respond means to meet that awareness with action, choosing one small way to care for yourself.

For example:

• If you notice you are exhausted, responding might mean pausing, dimming the lights, and offering yourself rest to support your nervous system.

• If you feel anxious, responding might mean practicing grounding, steadying your breath, or stepping outside for fresh air as a form of stress relief.

• If you feel lonely, responding might mean reaching out to a trusted friend, or spending time in a space where you feel less isolated.

Attune. Respond. Repeat. This simple rhythm helps reduce overwhelm and supports self-compassion during change.

And there is something even more important. Each time you listen inward and then follow through with care, you build self-trust. You prove to yourself that your needs matter and that you will not abandon yourself. Over time, this practice creates a steady inner relationship, one where you can rely on yourself to show up with consistency, kindness, and presence.

Why Orienting to Needs Matters

During transitions, whether you are healing childhood trauma, navigating perinatal shifts, or working with somatic therapy, your system is already doing hard work. Orienting to your needs is not indulgence. It is what fortifies you to continue.

The question is not “Why am I struggling?” The question is “What do I need right now?”

A Gentle Invitation

This week, I invite you to pause in moments of stress or self-criticism and ask yourself: What do I need right now? Notice what arises. See if you can meet one small need with care.

Even one response, one moment of listening and following through, can become a step toward rebuilding self-trust. Each time you choose to attune and respond, you are laying the foundation for a more steady, compassionate relationship with yourself.

Resources and References

• Needy by Mara Glatzel

• Universal Needs categories adapted from NVC needs lists