Sensitivity and Shame: Untangling the Two

A trauma-informed reflection on healing the shame around being a highly sensitive person

For many people, sensitivity was not just misunderstood growing up—it was subtly or overtly shamed. A sigh when they cried, a sarcastic comment when they got overwhelmed, or an accusation of being dramatic or too emotional. Over time, these moments send a message: your way of feeling the world is wrong.

In my work as a trauma therapist and coach, I meet so many clients who have internalized the idea that their sensitivity is a flaw. They come in exhausted, confused, and often carrying a deep belief that they are too much. But more often than not, what they are carrying is not a problem within them. It is a response to being a highly sensitive person in a world that has not always known how to meet them.

A highly sensitive person (HSP) is someone with a more finely tuned nervous system. Research by Dr. Elaine Aron shows that about 15 to 20 percent of people fall into this category. HSPs process sensory input and emotional information more deeply. They tend to notice subtleties in their environment, feel more affected by relational conflict, and often need more rest and nervous system support after stimulation. Sensitivity is not a disorder. It is a trait. But when that trait is met with invalidation, shame often takes hold.

When a sensitive child grows up in an environment that discourages emotional expression, they may begin to believe they are the problem. Instead of receiving co-regulation, they are told to stop crying, calm down, or toughen up. Their authentic reactions are dismissed or mocked, and they begin to internalize a harmful belief: “If I feel this much, there must be something wrong with me.” Over time, this leads to emotional suppression, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. These are protective strategies, often developed unconsciously, to avoid rejection and stay safe in relationships.

In trauma healing work, we explore how these early experiences shape nervous system responses and relational patterns. Many highly sensitive people struggle with emotional regulation not because they are weak or unstable, but because their early environments taught them to distrust their internal cues. Somatic therapy helps people reconnect with their body’s wisdom. It allows space to notice how shame feels in the body, where it lives, and how it may still influence present-day thoughts, choices, and relationships.

Releasing shame begins with curiosity. Instead of asking, “Why am I like this?” we begin to ask, “Where did I learn this about myself?” Clients often discover that what they believed were personal flaws were actually adaptive responses to invalidating or emotionally neglectful environments. This awareness can be both painful and liberating. It opens the door to practicing self-compassion and building nervous system regulation from a place of respect, not rejection.

Healing does not require that we become less sensitive. It invites us to become more supported. With the right tools and relationships, sensitivity can become a strength. Sensitive people often have deep capacity for empathy, creativity, and connection. When they are no longer carrying the weight of shame, they begin to thrive. They learn how to discern what is theirs to feel and what is not. They learn how to set boundaries without guilt. They learn how to regulate their emotions without disconnecting from them. They learn how to live in their bodies with a sense of safety and choice.

If you recognize yourself in this, know that you are not alone. There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. Sensitivity is not a flaw to fix, but a trait to honor. You are allowed to feel deeply and still be grounded. You are allowed to set limits and still be kind. You are allowed to be sensitive and strong.

If you would like support in learning how to work with your sensitivity rather than against it, I offer trauma-informed therapy and somatic coaching for highly sensitive people. Together, we can explore the roots of your patterns, support your nervous system, and help you reclaim sensitivity as a source of strength.

If you're interested in learning more about how we can work together, I invite you to book a free consultation session. It would be an honor to support you on your healing path.